The Tale of Dan’s Year in China, Part-y on because it’s Christmastime!

Or, Exams are Over, Coursework is Submitted, and It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

   Yes, I’m free! Last week’s four various exams, in-class courseworks (exams with dictionaries) and continuous assessments (recurring exams) took up a healthy chunk of my time and sanity, then the weekend was spent writing a three-thousand word essay that could quite easily have been written in under thirty (the economic effects of Deng Xiaoping’s pragmatic realism was that it made China a lot of money, the social effects were that people weren’t happy with him), and then this morning was a particularly nasty oral exam (talk for ten to fifteen minutes in your group, in Chinese, on a topic, chosen at random, from six you have prepared). But all that is done and dusted, cast aside, completed, and in the past. So from now to Christmas day, I have nothing but spare time, to spend as I please! And I plan to spend it most well. Starting by regaling my tales of more recent adventures, including my first and last Nativity play in China! And as ever, we kick-start tonight’s tales with the Chinglish of the Month award!

   A very simple little sentence here, but so packed full of gleeful misunderstanding that it reduced us to quite some giggling in the gift shop. A sort of facepack designed specifically for the nose, to aid troubled breathing I think. Whatever it’s purpose, the name left no doubt that is was designed to be used on the nose, called as it was:

Herbal Conk Mask

   That’s a name so unbelievably British that the only man alive who can say it without any sense of irony also smokes a pipe, has muttonchops, and wears at least a dozen medals on his red colonial military jacket. His name is probably Major Smith-Smythe-Smith, he drinks brandy after every meal, and undoubtedly had a scholarship to Sandhurst.

   Onwards then, to tales of China! When I last wrote it was just after we went to see Othello, and since then I think I’ve been mostly wrapped up in exams, but naturally we’ve been keeping busy. I mentioned of course our Nativity play. Seems that every year here, the Chinese students put on a Christmas show, and far be it from me to suggest that what the performance had nothing to do with Christmas! I mean, after the display of kung fu was over, the participants all walked on to proudly display a banner bearing the words “Merry Christmas”. No, really- two minutes of students in white pyjamas smashing wooden blocks, spin-kicking each other, and shouting “kiai!” at the top of their voices was followed by them walking on with the most serious, grim, stern martial-arts-discipline faces, and a large red banner wishing a Merry Christmas. That’s about as close as the show got to a Christmas theme. Skyline, my friend Kenrick’s band, opened up by performing It’s My Life by Bon Jovi, there was some traditional Chinese music, et al. So okay, maybe it didn’t have a lot to do with Christmas. That is, until we internationals stepped in! We performed the traditional Nativity Story, in the traditional primary-school fashion, with the shepherds wearing tea towels on their heads and a tinsel halo for Gabriel. I was lucky enough to play the role of Joseph, reprising the role I first played aged… six? We felt it was important too that our script was as accurate as possible- the first draft, submitted by Rick, began thus:

   Once upon a time, Mary was walking in the desert with her husband Joseph.

Give yourself a point for each mistake you can spot in that sentence. The original script also included “The son of God, also known as Jesus”, who would “Go on to have a successful career healing lepers”. Yup, this was a magnum opus like no other. But we fussy Christians took the script in, and redrafted it to be the best told-only-through-narration-and-mime version we could. Jesus’ carpentry business was also mentioned, though we sadly left out Hannah’s bit of wisdom: “Heaven’s going to be so well-furnished”. For some reason, that line rather tickled me.

   Following the relative success of that, we sung Silent Night in what the compeers announced was “traditional British carol-singing”. Which now means “unaccompanied, and with everyone holding a beer”. I guess that’s fairly traditional.

   Better yet, that’s not the end of our theatrics! International Church is holding a big ol’ Christmas service, at which everyone is due to be giving performances representing their country’s Christmas traditions. So obviously we’re carol singing again, but what other type of performance do Brits normally put on around Christmastime? You all know what it is, so say it with me…

“OH NO IT ISN’T!”

“OH YES IT IS!”

   Oh yes we are, we’re doing a panto. Cinderella, in fact, being scripted even as I type. I’m in charge of making props, as well as being cast opposite Kenrick as one of the ugly stepsisters. No knowing how this will go down, since the humour is VERY British (that is to say, very broad and silly), but hopefully everyone will get into the spirit of it and it’ll be a fab ol’ show! And if not, well, we’ll enjoy it. So this next few days is going to be spent making a cardboard pumpkin, a magic wand, and yet more props for the show. More craft work to keep me happy!

   And while it may not be a white Christmas here, we were lucky enough to have snow, for a whole day. From what I’ve heard there’s been more snow than anyone could want in Britain, so maybe I shouldn’t talk about this too much… but we found time, on that one day sometime last week, for a good ol’ snowball fight and some larks in the snow. It may not be a white Christmas, but it was a beautiful night back then!

   And as well as all that, there’s always cooking for Christmas day- my list of things to make runs thus:

Christmas Cake (actually made three weeks ago, but it still needs icing)

Welshcakes (bring something traditional, and I’ve got raisins to use up)

Mulled Wine

Chocolate Popcorn Toffee Wrap Crispy Things (in need of a better name)

Butterbeer (as in the Harry Potter drink, because why not, eh?)

   Then there’s more decorating in the halls to do, Christingles to make, presents to buy, the kitchen to scrub up so’s we can hold our celebrations in there… and my advent calendar says there’s four days to do it all! Well, best get stuck in! It’s going to be a busy week, but business in the name of festivity and celebration is absolutely my favourite way to be!

   And on that note I’m signing off- I’ll post again after Christmas I’m sure, but up til then it’s going to be nothing but prep work now. So, until then, may I wish you all reading this health, wealth, warmth of heart and hearth; have a wonderful celebration, and God bless you all!

Merry Christmas!

Dan

The Tale of Dan’s Adventures in China, Diwuge (第五个)

Or, IT’S CHRISTMAS!!!

   Yes, it’s here! Deck the halls, tinsel ar y goeden, seren yn y nef, goodwill and mead to all men and women! My favourite time of year, when everything is huge and hearty, getting tipsy on brandy, carrots for Rudolph, carols by candlelight, cheesy Christmas tunes, giggling about mistletoe, bear hugs, the Snowman, steaming kitchens, teeth chipped on silver coins in the pudding, Scrooge and the spirits, and goodwill and peace to all those we love!

   As you can tell, I’m excited. Even if it’s a bit ahead of meself. See, for most of us here in Ningbo, it’ll be our first Christmas away from home. And naturally, we want to celebrate it in style, so planning has already begun. And since we haven’t had the stores blasting out tunes and flogging inflatable Santas for the past month, we’re getting geared up early to make up for it. I’m proudly charged with making Christmas cake, for which I have no experience to offer, but a pan of plums gently crystallising on my bedside table. Pretty soon the gorgeous syrupy smell will fill the room and replace the aroma of acrylic paint that’s been dominating it since I started colouring my mask (that’s a separate story altogether).

   So, after an early Christmas rant (but a happy rant, a rant of excitement and joy! I’m not sure what the proper word is for a happy rant), let us kick off this blog with the new Chinglish of the Interchangeable Period of Time Award! This invitation to a blood donating event was just so wonderfully poetic, and yet so bizarre, I just had to give it the award. All I can say is if I got invites like this back in Britain to donate blood, I’d have started years ago!

“A beautiful flower will give courage to patient to fight against the disease. Blood donation is like sending a flower, bringing hope of life to the others and sending pleasure of joining together with the families. If you donate your blood for others, there are no doubts that you will receive the help from others once you or your relatives need blood.  Blood donation is like a relay race, passing the love from one person to another. If you donate one bag of blood today, it will mean a lot to the others.

Love and dedication are not just empty talk indeed. If you have a warm heart and feel responsible for the society, please join us! Give a pint, get a pound. You can’t afford to miss it!”

   I particularly love “Give a pint, get a pound”. Remember, this is China, so they clearly don’t mean a pound sterling… but then, what do they mean? Is it a reference to Shylock and his pound of flesh? It honestly wouldn’t surprise me. Truly bewildering.

   So, what’s been happening here? Well, a couple of events as ever to keep things from getting too dull. My career on the catwalk kicked off tonight thanks to my friend Kenrick. After I roped him into going to the Sweeney Todd auditions, I guess I owed him a favour, and this week he called it in. Being asked to model some clothes for GXG (anyone heard of them? I don’t know fashion, so I don’t know if they’re famous or not), he needed some more people to help him out. Myself and another friend Rick were keelhauled into position, and so this Tuesday night I found myself striding down the aisle of the auditorium wearing an outfit that I don’t think I could be paid to wear in public! All grey coats and skinny trousers and skinny ties… ych a fi! Still, we took it with a pinch of salt, and given the audience was only about thirty people, a good portion of whom where only there to support us, we decided to ham it up and put on a show! It was tremendous fun, and then I slept through the next hour or so of Chinese students strutting up and taking it all very seriously. I got a voucher to spend at GXG which I shall never use, and felt much better once I was back in my comfy torn jeans, hand-me-down shirt, and £2 market-bought scarf.

   Got a bit of culture over the weekend too, all in the name of my theatrics. The Sweeney Todd rehearsals have been going slowly, and were getting a bit stale. To put a spark back in it and a spring in our steps, the directors decided we would go to a local drama group for some acting lessons. Much like climbing the mountain a few weeks ago, I didn’t know that much about it on the way there. It had been explained in a little detail, but I was hazy as to what we were doing and wasn’t expecting much. I thought it would be some small traditional Chinese drama group who would give us some advice on projection and stage directions, things I already knew.  Unlike the mountain run however, I was neither disappointed nor unpleasantly caught off guard.

   Firstly, the drama group were English. I know that sounds a little… well, I don’t want to use the word racist, but after two and a half months of conversations held about acting in someone’s- either mine or the directors- second language, it was really a pleasant change to have a laugh together with a bunch of Brits- the jokes didn’t need explaining, I could ask really technical questions without having to worry about being misunderstood, it was a nice blast of the old. So that was nice.

   Second, they were professional actors, so they knew what they were talking about. They all of them oozed experience bought from years of trying different ideas and hundreds of shows, both good and bad, and that made me trust what they had to say far more than the directors of our show. They also had some ideas I would never have thought of myself, which were really helpful.

   Finally, and best of all… we got to watch their show. And the show was Othello. Not just an English play, but SHAKESPEARE. Oh it made me happy. Tragedy, comedy, big acting, real villainy and heroism, gritty themes… it was a great performance, and really handy to see the techniques we had been taught actually used in a real production. And of course, I didn’t waste the opportunity to make a fool of myself. During the workshop earlier we had been taught by the supporting cast, we hadn’t met the guys playing either Othello or Desdemona. After the show every one of the actors came out to greet us and ask what we thought, did we enjoy it, and have a bit more of a relaxed chat. And this time, Desdemona and Othello came out too, and we met them. So I was chatting away with someone, then Othello came to join us (Eugene, his real name was). The woman I was talking with introduced me and Eugene to each other, and he held out his hand to shake mine and said “Hi Dan, great to meet you”. It’s a simple enough sentence, isn’t it? Doesn’t require anything special in the answer? A simple “Nice to meet you too Eugene,” would have worked, maybe with “Congrats on the show, I really enjoyed it,” if I could work up to it. But I had just watched this man playing Othello, one of the most tragic Shakespearean characters ever written, a role of ENORMOUS gravitas and weight. As if that wasn’t enough, he himself was a six-foot something, bulging-muscled, deep-voiced, dark-eyed, goateed and cropped black-haired, giant of a man. So maybe it’s no surprise that instead of saying anything particularly sensible I panicked like a startled teenage girl and just said in a squeaky voice somewhere in the back of my throat:

 “Mnargh…”

   That will haunt me just as I’m about to fall asleep for some nights to come. After I’d stopped my knees from trembling at vastness of this man’s presence and got my tongue working again I managed to introduce myself and eventually worked up to answering his questions about our show, my course, Improv, etc. We had a good ol’ natter and eventually we, the student crew, thanked the pros and made our way home. But I don’t think I’ll forget for a while how when meeting this great actor, and having a chance to talk to him and congratulate him, I instead went weak at the knees and squeaky in the voice and said,

“Mnargh…”

   Aside from that, nothing really to report. Lectures go on, coursework gets submitted, exams are beginning to appear on the calendar (boo!) and Christmas preparation is well under way. Damn those plums smell good!

   I suspect I’ll put one more post up before Christmas to report a bit more on our preparations- if nothing else, I’ll want to declaim if the cake is going well, and if it isn’t then there’ll probably be a story to tell nonetheless. Until then, take care, and enjoy the snow and the cheer!

Lots of love,

Dan

The Tale of Dan’s Year in China, Part I’ve Run Out of Languages the Fourth

Or, The Numerous Definitions of ‘Mountain Climbing’ and Why it’s Important to be Specific, and How Phillipians has Saved my Sanity AGAIN

   Evening all! Once again a couple of weeks have flown by leaving me with tales to tell, wisdom to impart (actually, this may be the first time that’s happened), and a hot stir fry in my belly this fine evening. The night draws in, Adiemus is playing on my laptop, and we open tonight’s blog entry with the Chinglish of the Month (rapidly turning into the Chinglish of the Fortnight) announcement!

   On the uni campus is a little soft drink bar that sells teas, iced fruit juices, squash-type stuff, and Chinese milk tea, both hot and cold, in a variety of flavours. Examining the menu a while ago, I found this little shock horror hidden away, hidden among it’s more innocuous brothers. Examine this list of flavours- one is not like the others.

Mango milk tea

Pineapple milk tea

Banana milk tea

Apple and carrot milk tea

Coffee milk tea

Embryo milk tea

I have no idea what this means, is meant to mean, all I know is that China is in serious, SERIOUS need of interpreters to clear up this kind of horrendous misunderstanding.

   So, what’s been happening here in China? First big event- Bonfire Night, Noson Tan Gwyllt, Guy Fawkes Night! Yes, much like the British use any minor happiness as a reason to celebrate with copious volumes of alcohol, and any small joy will drive a hobbit to good food and pipe weed (and alcohol), the Chinese will send off fireworks for just about any event, from New Years to moving into a new house, which explains why I keep hearing explosions into the middle of the day. And when they heard we Brits have a celebration based around gunpowder and pretty lights in the sky, they just had to one-up us.

   Now, back in my homeland in Wales, I’ve never seen many fireworks, I admit. My mother can’t stand them, and my family lives quite a way from any local displays (about 15 miles away, to be exact), so it’s been a while since I’ve seen a proper display. But it wasn’t just my face lighting up with joy as the rockets soared and screamed upwards into the sky, vanished for a second, and then exploded into a gigantic spreading dandelion-head of red, green and gold, floating back down to earth to meet the next wave shooting up. And with every thunderclap bang you heard, there came a thousand more as they echoed off the tower buildings in the distance. Brought a nostalgic tear to my eye it did, as we all thought of toffee apples, smoked sausages and trying to get the bonfire lit, get some kindling, get some kindling, it’s going down! True to form as well, nobody mentioned why we celebrate Bonfire Night, or gave poor old Gudo any recognition. Actually, I wonder how well his story would go down in China? Probably not all that well…

   Rehearsals for Sweeney Todd are going well, and still I’ve not been booted out. Turns out having five very controlling directors is not the best way to construct a play, as I keep getting contradicting instructions on what I should be doing (Look at him! Don’t look at him, look at the audience! Don’t look at the audience, look at this part of the stage! Don’t look at that part of the stage, look at your own ear! Okay, I made that one up, but it’s only a matter of time).  Truth be told, I can’t quite shake my Improv tendencies, I still catch myself wondering why we’ve done the same scene six times in ten minutes and it’s been the same every time! Stop structuring it so much guys, we’ll work it out on the night! Ah well, it’s getting there, even if it’s not as much fun as I thought it might be.

   On the subject of things not turning out how you expected, allow me to regale the story of Tiantong Mountain, and how I came to climb it. A couple of weeks back, I got an email asking for “heroes to participate in the 3^rd international mountain climbing competition”. Naturally, being a bit enthusiast of mountains, and standing on top of them, I signed up in a twinkling, really looking forwards to seeing some of the beautiful Chinese landscape. There wasn’t much information about the competition, save for this:

Participants must be between 20 and 25.

Have no sudden diseases (more Chinglish for you).

Average game length: 40 minutes.

   There you are, you now know as much as I did going in. Well, this Sunday just gone, I awoke at 6am, got my hiking boots on, packed my camera, a water bottle, my journal and my coat into a bag, and went downstairs to get onto a minibus to take us to the competition, an hour away. Now it turns out only two of us had signed up, slight problem given a team is meant to be five people, but oh well. Our team leader, a Chinese bloke who’s name I’m afraid I can’t remember, asked us what kind of experience we had climbing mountains. At this stage I mentioned that I go walking a lot at home, and that I attempted to climb Kilimanjaro a few years ago, all of which is true. Now from this he presumably got an idea of what I was expecting from this mountain climbing competition- if he did, he didn’t see fit to tell me that I wasn’t going to be doing what I was used to, leading to a rather unfortunate misunderstanding, which I shall shortly regale.

   We arrived at Tiantong about 7.30am, in time to meet a few other teams from various institutes, unis, and businesses from the nearby area. One thing I notice as odd pretty quickly- half the people there were dressed similar to myself- hiking boots, heavy trousers, backpacks, etc- and the other half were dressed like our team leader- trainers, shorts or tracksuit bottoms, and light t-shirts. My suspicion was further raised when I was given a sticker saying “Athlete” in English and Chinese. I put the second down to a translation mistake, and the first I just sort of blanked.

What’s amazing is how long I was able to keep blanking what should have been clues as to what was about to happen, and what I hadn’t seen coming.

   There was a brief interlude of men in suits standing on a stage, making speeches- “Third international mountain climbing competition”… “This proud historic site”… “I would like to invite our eleventh guest speaker”… you know the sort. The kind of speech-making that makes county school assembly with Miss James look like a Dara O’Briain stand-up routine. Well anyway, that done, and all of we ‘athletes’ were led to the starting line, where the mountain climbing competition would kick off. I was stood next to a bunch of great blokes that were doing leg stretches and lunges, all ready to go, and we got into a bit of banter, talking about where we from, etc. A couple of minutes in, and my team leader asks if I’m going to put my bag in the bus.

I still didn’t realise where this was going.

   But being assured I wouldn’t need it, I handed it over, taking only my water bottle. I even took my hat off, leaving me with a headscarf and a t-shirt with a number on it, as well as my trusty but very, very incredibly heavy and ankle-supporting hiking boots.

   By now I was so excited to get up this mountain I wasn’t even thinking. I was just so keyed up and ready to go! A command of ready… I got ready… A command of set… I got set… The firing pistol went off! And everyone started to run!

Like I said, what’s amazing is how long it took me to work this out.

   I thought this running was the mad dash at the start, then we’d all settle down and start walking. Like the beginning of Hidalgo, where all the horses start galloping for two minutes, then settle down and walk a twenty-mile desert race. Thinking it was just a brief crazy spurt, I ran full-out, sprinting up front with the leaders.

    A minute later, and no-one was slowing down. Not two minutes later either, and presumably not five minutes later either. I can’t tell you, because five minutes in, I was limping at the side of the very steep incline, clutching my chest and wondering how you know if you’re having a heart attack.

   And I clearly wasn’t the only one either. Half the racers were staggering in boots that weighed as much as a small stone fortress each, taking off hoodies, and wondering what to do with their hiking poles.

   All that said and done, and once you’re stopped wondering how I’m still alive given my ability to get into these ridiculous situations, the climb up Tiantong was a very beautiful one. The bamboo forests rose up all around us, and we passed several Buddhist monuments and pagodas, it was all quite serene apart from the water bottles discarded by those up ahead who were actually told what they’d be doing today. And when I got to the top (finishing in the bottom ten, of course), the view of the valley below was spectacular, stretching away into the distance. I sat on a rock perched out of the mountainside, cross-legged above the steep wall and the cool green forest breeze wafted over me- it all felt quite zen really, and I couldn’t help but see the funny side of the whole morning.

   The only minor kick to my dignity was the leader’s words when I got back down- “I thought you said you were an expert?” he said. (I’d like to clarify, I didn’t say that, though I may have flicked my hair after I said I attempted Kili). I explained to him  as politely as possible that in Britain, mountain climbing generally means you WALK up the mountain. Unsurprisingly, this seemed news to him.

   That’s about the extent of my lighter-hearted experiences of China for the past two weeks. I do however, have some news of a more… well, a slightly deeper and more personal nature to impart. If you just want the fun stories, end on the mountain one. But for a slightly more serious imparting of wisdom, read on…

   For all the funny stories and mad occurrences, I have now been away from home, in a very, very foreign country, for about two months- longer than I’ve ever been abroad. Work is piling up like another troublesome mountain, I’m bitten stem to stern by mozzies, and to top it all off, I’m getting this maddening insomnia, which means I sleep for only a few hours a night, then feel exhausted all day. What with all this, I’ve been a little distressed of late.

   However, and it’s a big however, this morning I hit upon something that’s lifted my spirits out of the gutter and catapulted them into the sunlight. And I found it, unsurprisingly, in my favourite book of the Bible, Phillippians. It’s the book I used to plan our Bible study session two weeks ago, it’s the book I spent the summer of 2009 learning with a uni mate via Skype (thanks Emily, you’ve no idea how useful that was!), and pretty much where most of my optimism stems from. This time, it was when I rediscovered the verse so many people cite as their favourite- chapter 4, verses 6 and 7.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus”.

   My friends, it’s been a very strange time here in China, and it’s been gradually eroding my sanity since I got here. And now I know why. Because since I arrived I’ve been trying to fix everything that goes wrong in my life by myself, trying to grab hold of every strand that falls away and drag it back into place. Turns out, that’s not what I need to be doing. Trust in God that he’ll take care of me, and ask him what I need to do to sort out my life, not try and understand it all by myself. I particularly like this because it echoes a line from my favourite song:

“Turn off your engines, and slow down your wheels,

Suddenly your master plan loses its appeal…”

Stop planning everything Dan, stop trying to get it all on track, and let God in to help you out! This is my message to everyone who feels they can’t quite get their life on track. Don’t fret needlessly over it- ask God to help, and he will. And once again, optimism comes flooding back into your life!

My love and blessings to you all, and I’ll write again in a few more weeks!

Cheers,

Dan

(The song is No-Hopers, Jokers and Rogues, by Fisherman’s Friends, if you’re interested. Link below- I actually think there’s quite a Christian message in there, though possibly not deliberately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AYA_0R7Vw1s&ob=av3e)

The Tale of Dan's Adventure in China: Der Dritte Teil

Or, How I Somehow Convinced China I’m fit to Appear in their Musical, and Why Tea Requires Multiple Adjectives

   Evening all! Well it’s been a busy ol’ couple of weeks, and I’ve plenty to add on the list of strange things happening in China. Rehearsals for a musical, job interviews, Frisbee injuries, and buying brooms have all their own stories to be told, but that in due course- let us begin with the next installment of my Mistranslation of the Month Award!

This email invitation to the SU’s Halloween party came through a while ago, demonstrating a minor but important cultural difference. Details like time, venue and ticket costs all included, but it’s this snippet that confused me.

“Also, we will give lovers a pair of light horn.  You need to prove you are lovers while buy ticket”

Firstly, what constitutes ‘lovers’ in this context, and secondly, how do you prove that you and the person standing next to you are just that?  And what, can someone tell me, is a light horn? I may go along just to find out.

   Back to the real world, what’s been happening in China? Well, as listed above, quite a bit. The biggest story is that I’ve had an audition for a musical, but I’ll get to that in a bit. I’ve had a job interview for a preschool toddlers-looking-after type thing, which I think I did pretty well at. The job was essentially teaching mums to teach their babies to walk, and making sure no-one walked into a wall. Lots of primary colours and smiling, but sadly my course is keeping me too busy to follow it up. Also, I remembered I really don’t like small children. I can only take so much noise.

   Continuing in the vein of things I signed up for before debating if it was a good idea, some modelling company needs western people to show off their clothes. I went through a phase of seeing any given email and replying “I’ll do it, it'll be a chance to practice my Chinese!” without actually thinking it through. No word back from them yet, but I’ve suddenly realised I may have signed myself up for something terrible, like wearing mainstream emo fashion and making Edward-Cullen-esque faces at a camera. I really need to start thinking these things through.

   I brought a broom. When I said that had a story, I may have exaggerated. There is a story, but it’s simply that the floor in my room was dirty. Sorry if I got your hopes up there.

   Once again I’ve managed to obtain my weekly supply of bizarre injuries- this time its Frisbee related. In my first post I mentioned how there’s a lot of diving around in Frisbee, trying to catch the flying disk? Turns out I’m really, really good at that. Though I say it myself, I’ve made some fantastic catches, tip-of-the-fingers edge-of-your-seat Aled-Jones-walking-in-the-air-slow-motion Frisbee catches, running and diving and landing like a madman. And now both my shoulders and my back feel like an oak tree. Damn, Frisbee is fun!

   Best news of recent weeks though was getting a parcel from home. Getting post in China is much like waiting for the next Harry Potter movie to come out. You know it’s coming, but you’re not sure when, and every time you think it’s almost there, it gets delayed by another six months. Or two weeks, in this case. But finally a parcel arrived, containing a wonderful letter from home (all old news, due to the magic of email, but somehow a letter is always nice to receive even if you already know everything in it), a box of tea and a 4-pack of Double Deckers. HUZZAH! I’m going to say that again, to emphasize how happy it made me. HUZZAH!

   I picked up this package in the foyer of our hall of residence. I may also have shouted quite loudly then, I was so happy. A few people may have looked round in alarm.

HUZZAH!!!

   Worth it for British tea and Double Deckers though. The chocolate lasted about four days, and the tea will see me through until December with any luck. I’m pretty sure I don’t need to go into detail about just how heartwarming and soul-fulfilling a cup of sweet, milky tea packed with all that flavour and comforting warmth is at the end of a cold, rainy day, hedging out as it does any screed of chill or unhappiness, filling you to the bones with joy and two spoonfuls of sugar… but I just have.

   There was also a Bible in a Year book, which I’m using to plan our next 9:20 session- thinking I might cover something familiar from Phillipians, my favourite book, since I’ve never actually planned a Bible study before, so I’d like it to be something I know well. The book itself is going to be really handy as well, just because I find it so hard to regularly read the Bible- a pre-planned scheduled version is, well, a real blessing!

So tea makes me happy and the broom was a set-up, but what of this musical I’ve been hinting at? Well, it’s another odd story. In fact, it’s two odd stories, and I’m at a loss as to which I should tell first.

   Nottingham Ningbo university drama club is putting on a production of Sweeney Todd in December- if you don’t know the story, it’s about a barber called Benjamin Barker who is exiled to Australia on a false charge by a corrupt judge, who wants to have it off with Barker's wife. Fifteen years later, Barker returns under the name of Sweeney Todd, swearing revenge. He sings his way through about a dozen murders (Spoiler!), in an attempt to get to the judge and avenge his wife and daughter. There’s also a subplot involving some suspicious cooking and Helena Bonham Carter, who’s make-up artist is possibly a panda. There is one thing about this play that I feel I should re-state, and that is IT’S A MUSICAL. Which begs the question of why did I think to audition, given my notorious tone-deafness.

   Well, I thought it’d be a laugh. A few of us went to auditions together, we thought it’d be fun, and with the intensive Improv training I had over the summer, I figured I’d be able to sell myself as a pretty good actor first, and blag a part that didn’t have much singing. In a way, it worked. I’ve been given the role of Anthony, a sailor who in the film version (which our play is based on) looks like this.

My acting may only have a certain amount to do with me getting this role. Hint: all Chinese male students have short, black hair.

And to be fair, Anthony has just two songs. The first is only three lines long, and the second… oh, the second song. This is where I don’t understand why I got the part. Don’t get me wrong, I’m really enjoying playing him, and I’m also really enjoying the play itself. I just don’t understand why I’ve been given this song. The only way I can explain it is to show you what I’m meant to be singing. It’s only two minutes long, give it a listen, and watch out for that last note.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ex-EZuSrXR8

The weird thing is, I’ve done this song six times in rehearsals, and so far no-one has said anything other than “Well done, it’s really good.” Which means either my voice has massively improved over the last few years without me noticing, or the casting directors are all as tone-deaf as I am. Here’s hoping they remain oblivious!

   As for the other odd story regarding this show, you have to admire my good friend Kenrick. Excellent bloke he is, he went along to the auditions for a bit of fun, thought he’d maybe get a minor role, and just use the play for networking- fair enough, we’re here to improve our Chinese first and foremost, and you do get plenty of chances to practice even though the play is in English. More to the point, prior to the auditions he had seen neither the film or the stage version of Sweeney Todd, and didn’t even know the story- I had to give him the fifteen-second synopsis before we went in (pretty much that same as I wrote up there a bit). So he didn’t expect much but a bit of fun from the auditions, I guess.

Imagine his surprise when he got offered the title role.

Well, he’s doing a great job of it, is pretty familiar with the story now and getting stuck right in to the old throat-slitting! Fun times all around.

I think I’ve now regaled sufficiently- I swear these entries get longer each time. I hope you’re still enjoying them! Much international love, and I’ll post again once enough interesting stuff has happened.

Nes y tro nesaf!

Dan

The Tale of Dan’s Adventure in China, Rhan Dau

Or, Why Britain Really is the Rainiest Country in the World, and How to Get Three People in a Rhino.

    New Feature: Mistranslation of the Month, or the Best Chinglish Award!

Possibly genuine, hopefully not. Various items on a Shanghai restaurant menu, but the prize-taker had to be:

“House speciality- Opium Fish”.

We ordered it. They were out of stock.

   Well, it seems I’m at a loose end in an evening and in a very fine mood, courtesy of the excellent folks on 6^th floor arranging a fellowship meeting (thankyou Hannah!), where we all got together for prayer, a bit of bible-bashing and some slightly off-key singing and biscuits. So, contented and happy, I thought I’d update you all on my Chinese adventures! (Getting two requests for another post within five minutes of each other may also have swayed me)

   Well, first off, let me regale you with the tale of the field trip to Shanghai. A bunch of us from the Chinese course, as part of a module, went to Shanghai on a journey that wasn’t quite a holiday, but wasn’t too much work as to take all the fun out of it!

   We went to Zhouzhuang, the river town where people flowed up and down the river on ancient, rather impractical-looking boats, and where the only way to move through the crowd was by vigorous use of elbows. The houses were old and derelict, everything was falling apart, and it was kind of melancholy- or at least, it would have been if there had been violins in the soundtrack, and not the babble of a thousand Chinese tourists and street vendors shouting their wares across the cramped cobbled streets!

   We visited an art gallery, which was largely closed, and what was open was largely filled with deeply disturbing sculptures of babies doing yoga. Not sure quite what the purpose of that was. There was however, a deeply cool sculpture of a life-sized bronze rhino, which was kind of... meshy, if that makes sense. Put it this way, nine of us clambered all over it like a climbing frame, and three of us quite comfortably sat inside it’s belly for the group photo. Picture below, since my vocab has run out.

   We climbed the Pearl TV tower, which gave an amazing view over Shanghai, the rich and the poor areas, both of which we then explored on foot. It’s amazing the difference between the two areas, on the one side of the river are skyscrapers and towers so high they boggled my tiny welsh mind and made me wonder how men could build such things- all bright lights, flashing images and mountainous buildings rising far as the eye could see! And on the other side, tiny huts with streets only a few feet wide, people selling kebabs from open barbecues in the street and drains open under your feet, the tiled roofs closing above you almost like a tunnel.

   We went on the metro. Which makes British Rail look like a toddlers train set, and about as effective.

   And, best of all, the crowning jewel of the trip, we went to the World Expo in Shanghai! Oh yes! For those that don’t know, the world expo started off in the 1800s (this info is also thanks to Hannah), where scientists from around the world would meet and discuss their ideas. Gradually it expanded to include the arts, and now it stands as a massive gathering of all the worlds countries (that can afford it, presumably- Greece’s display was largely made of canvas and scaffolding). Think Fresher’s Fayre, but instead of stalls, every country gets a building only slightly smaller than Hallward, and some a fair bit bigger). I went into and enjoyed:

Turkey- brief history of the country and free delicious chocolaty Turkish coffee.

Italy- an entire orchestra stuck to one wall, lots of food, and some fashion stuff that confused me a lot.

Canada- had nothing to do with Canada, but really great atmosphere, all tranquil and calm and soothing and makes me want to sleep just writing about it.

UK- based around plants, sitting on the lawn, and rain (no, seriously!), as well as two old dears at the end engaging in good old-style British banter and small talk (“Ooh, there’s a lovely name, I’d curtsy but what with me arr-thritis I don’t think me knees could take it deary!”)

Africa- made me miss Africa.

Switzerland- mountains and ski lifts.

   Also got some amazing photos of the bright shining lights and magical reflective pools in the night, the whole Expo lit up like a Christmas tree as soon as the night came down. It was an incredible sight to see, and if anyone happens to be in Milan in 2015, I strongly recommend it!

   And what since? We got back to Ningbo on Saturday, and it’s been lectures since. I found an international church on Sunday, we had a great service with some grand ol’ hymns and an amazing testimony from this Australian bloke, made me feel very small I can tell you. Other events of note, fireworks went off just outside the uni gates about midday today with a bang like a thousand shotguns being fired from a cannon, I have an audition for the uni’s production of Sweeney Todd tomorrow (goodness knows how that will go). And tonight was our fellowship group, with tea and biscuits and all-round joy. Fun times, eh?

   So aye, China goes as grand as gravy. Life here is good, I’m eating stir-fry about five nights a week, and the mosquitoes have finally stopped biting. Ooh, and I bought the most INCREDIBLE leather journal- three inches think, a4, and weighing in somewhere between a bull elephant and a steamroller. So far all that’s gone in it are a bunch of poems and songs I like, but it’ll soon fill out! I just thought I’d mention that.

   Another few weeks gone by, and in a few more I’ll post again! Hope you’re enjoying keeping up with this as much as I’m enjoying writing it, and keep in touch with me!

Cheerio,

Dan.

 Shanghai Market at night. That's me, Camy (who has nine names), Kenrick and Esther. They're all legends.

The bronze rhino, sans westerners.

1st update

                                        The First Week in China!

Or, How I Arrived in China with my Trousers Round my Knees

Good day to you readers! Pull up a sock and sit down. I have finally arrived in China, the land of adventure, challenge and slightly dodgy food, and have now resided in Ningbo university for just over a week! Seemed a good idea to write on this blog thing I have, shame it’s blocked in China though... never one to be defeated, I emailed my first post to long-suffering brother Ollie, and nicely asked him to post it for me. Thanks bro!

First, to kick start the blog, a few statistics:

Number of Days Spent in China: 9

Insect Bites Accumulated: 8

Lectures Attended: 2

Items of Luggage Lost/Forgotten: 1 (See below)

Number of conversations started due to me being a bloke with long hair: 3

Number of days it took the Chinese students to work out and attach the Welsh stereotype to me: 8*

* I am now nongmin, a word which can mean farmer, peasant, or as one girl put it, “redneck treehugger”. Thank you world.

   So yah, it’s started well!

Left home at some stupid time on Friday morning. I don’t want to go hugely into the details of my journey here, since it’s not that interesting, apart from everyone’s favourite bit of airport security... metal detectors! Yes, always a worrying time for me, and this time was no different. With so much luggage packed in my suitcase, a lot also had to be crammed into my hand luggage.

   Now, you know what they’re like- anything that may be even a little bit metallic goes on the conveyor belt, and then you walk through the metal-detecty arch and hope like hell it’s your lucky day. Well, today was for me! I took off my coat, my hoodie (bulky clothing apparently has to go separate), my boots, my belt, my bag, my laptop came out of the bag, my phone, my wallet, my suitcase keys... load it all on the box, watch it pass slowly into the scanner, and hope you’ll be reunited on the other side. Well, loading that much in, it was pretty certain I’d forget something. But what would it be? My laptop cable? The keys to my cargo luggage? My phone? In a twist both fortunate and very irritating, it was none of these expensive, vital items.

That’s right, I left my belt behind.

On the day I chose to wear jeans just a leetle too big.

There’s nothing like killing five hours in Hong Kong airport while one hand is holding your trousers up, let me tell you folks.

   So a typical start for me there. Nothing went seriously wrong, just a minor and slightly odd bumbling error. But aside from that, I made it to China in one piece! So far it’s been amazing- the folks here are great, everyone’s really sociable. Instead of fresher’s week being a hundred nights of heavy clubbing (not my scene, as most well know), it’s been everyone, international and local, sitting around playing pool, darts, rollerblading, and playing cards. I’ve picked up a grand new game called San Guo Sha, <<characters here>>, which was when I knew I was really at home- it’s basically Dynasty Warriors mixed with Mafia and playing cards. Damn it’s cool!

Being ever the sporting type, I also spent three hours yesterday with the Ultimate Frisbee squad training hard and then playing a game. Once again I came to realise how ridiculously unfit I am, but it’s an amazing game and we all had a barrel of laughs, especially since in this game diving to catch the Frisbee is encouraged! Oh yes, there was a lot of falling to the ground.

The fun couldn’t last forever though- lectures started today. Well, I knew they’d happen sooner or later, but actually they’ve been quite fun so far. One language class and one... other, not sure what it was about, but it’s the old ‘outlining the module aims and objectives’ kerfuffle, didn’t get much of it. But hey, language was good! Even if once again, everything I learnt last year is proving about as memorable as a piece of hay in a haystack. Knowledge, eh? It never hangs around.

The one real bummer so far is the lack of decent western food. Now, I know I’m in China to get immersed in the culture and become acclimatised to living in a foreign land, etc etc... But, speaking as someone who’s ambivalent even about British-style Chinese food, I would like the occasional break from real Chinese food. (One week, and not a single spare rib, prawn cracker, sesame toast or spring roll in sight). I mean, I like the food here, and I like the variety of it, but at the same time I’m really craving a few foods from back home. Specifially:

Full fry-up... saussies, black pudding, bacon, beans, scrambled and fried eggs, hash browns, mushrooms, fried bread, soda bread, laverbread, toast.

Apple juice. They just don’t do it properly here.

Milk. As above.

Grapes. Being washed in dodgy tap water means we foreigners have to peel them. I mean, what’s the point?

English tea. ‘Nuff said.

Puddings. Closest here is fruit, and that isn’t a patch on treacle tart and custard.

Cider. Not a hope.

(By the way, in case you didn’t know by now, this blog is as much therapy for me as it is for informing people about what I’m doing. If I start to go off on one, just skip ahead a paragraph or so).

   So I’ve had it easy up to now, now the time comes to immerse oneself in student life! Joining societies is up- I’m definitely tempted by Magic Soc, Ultimate Frisbee, and Kendo, but which shall it be? Also, there’s a drama group here who I haven’t investigated, but they may or may not do a certain level of improv coaching. If not... can I have “Improv Ambassador to China” on my hoodie? J

   Times are grand and time is flying. I should probably do some of that revision stuff I keep putting off, not to mention try to work out the Chinese laundry machines. Took me long enough to do the British ones, there’s no knowing what’ll happen here! Fun times as ever, no doubt. But aye, that’s all I can think of for now, and I’ll be damned if I’m re-editing this later! Cracking to write though, hope you’ve all enjoyed it! I’ll probably post something again in a week or so.

Testing, testing, how do you work this blogging thing, my mind is unravelling so soon...

Hello! I have a blog! And I set it all up without any help! I'm very proud of myself right now.

Yeah, this is basically to test I know how to use a blogging site. It was brought to my attention that I may not be able to use Facebook in China (thankyou Jess!), so just in case that is so, here's yet another way for me to keep in touch. Proper posts will start once I'm in China, but until then, here's progress so far.

Just picked up my visa today, still got to get final jabs, chinese money, bank account, and student finance all sorted before I fly away on Friday. Yes it's cutting it a bit fine, but it wouldn't be fun otherwise, now would it? I'm massively excited to be hurtling off now with less than five days to go, and still so much to do!

Had a cracking meal out with the family on Saturday, at Ling di Long, the chinese restaurant in lampeter. So that'll be the last time I have 'british' chinese food in a year, no more prawn crackers for me. Got to love the name too- chinese and welsh at the same time! See what they did there? (N.b: ling-di-long is welsh for walking slowly while swaying from side to side. Add it to your top ten best words list!)

So aye, with less than a week remaining and a million and one things to do, the Chinese adventure begins here! Posts will be coming to this site once I've arrived. Until then, hwyl fawr, zaijian, cheerio!