Or, The Numerous Definitions of ‘Mountain Climbing’ and Why it’s Important to be Specific, and How Phillipians has Saved my Sanity AGAIN
Evening all! Once again a couple of weeks have flown by leaving me with tales to tell, wisdom to impart (actually, this may be the first time that’s happened), and a hot stir fry in my belly this fine evening. The night draws in, Adiemus is playing on my laptop, and we open tonight’s blog entry with the Chinglish of the Month (rapidly turning into the Chinglish of the Fortnight) announcement!
On the uni campus is a little soft drink bar that sells teas, iced fruit juices, squash-type stuff, and Chinese milk tea, both hot and cold, in a variety of flavours. Examining the menu a while ago, I found this little shock horror hidden away, hidden among it’s more innocuous brothers. Examine this list of flavours- one is not like the others.
Mango milk tea
Pineapple milk tea
Banana milk tea
Apple and carrot milk tea
Coffee milk tea
Embryo milk tea
I have no idea what this means, is meant to mean, all I know is that China is in serious, SERIOUS need of interpreters to clear up this kind of horrendous misunderstanding.
So, what’s been happening here in China? First big event- Bonfire Night, Noson Tan Gwyllt, Guy Fawkes Night! Yes, much like the British use any minor happiness as a reason to celebrate with copious volumes of alcohol, and any small joy will drive a hobbit to good food and pipe weed (and alcohol), the Chinese will send off fireworks for just about any event, from New Years to moving into a new house, which explains why I keep hearing explosions into the middle of the day. And when they heard we Brits have a celebration based around gunpowder and pretty lights in the sky, they just had to one-up us.
Now, back in my homeland in Wales, I’ve never seen many fireworks, I admit. My mother can’t stand them, and my family lives quite a way from any local displays (about 15 miles away, to be exact), so it’s been a while since I’ve seen a proper display. But it wasn’t just my face lighting up with joy as the rockets soared and screamed upwards into the sky, vanished for a second, and then exploded into a gigantic spreading dandelion-head of red, green and gold, floating back down to earth to meet the next wave shooting up. And with every thunderclap bang you heard, there came a thousand more as they echoed off the tower buildings in the distance. Brought a nostalgic tear to my eye it did, as we all thought of toffee apples, smoked sausages and trying to get the bonfire lit, get some kindling, get some kindling, it’s going down! True to form as well, nobody mentioned why we celebrate Bonfire Night, or gave poor old Gudo any recognition. Actually, I wonder how well his story would go down in China? Probably not all that well…
Rehearsals for Sweeney Todd are going well, and still I’ve not been booted out. Turns out having five very controlling directors is not the best way to construct a play, as I keep getting contradicting instructions on what I should be doing (Look at him! Don’t look at him, look at the audience! Don’t look at the audience, look at this part of the stage! Don’t look at that part of the stage, look at your own ear! Okay, I made that one up, but it’s only a matter of time). Truth be told, I can’t quite shake my Improv tendencies, I still catch myself wondering why we’ve done the same scene six times in ten minutes and it’s been the same every time! Stop structuring it so much guys, we’ll work it out on the night! Ah well, it’s getting there, even if it’s not as much fun as I thought it might be.
On the subject of things not turning out how you expected, allow me to regale the story of Tiantong Mountain, and how I came to climb it. A couple of weeks back, I got an email asking for “heroes to participate in the 3rd international mountain climbing competition”. Naturally, being a bit enthusiast of mountains, and standing on top of them, I signed up in a twinkling, really looking forwards to seeing some of the beautiful Chinese landscape. There wasn’t much information about the competition, save for this:
Participants must be between 20 and 25.
Have no sudden diseases (more Chinglish for you).
Average game length: 40 minutes.
There you are, you now know as much as I did going in. Well, this Sunday just gone, I awoke at 6am, got my hiking boots on, packed my camera, a water bottle, my journal and my coat into a bag, and went downstairs to get onto a minibus to take us to the competition, an hour away. Now it turns out only two of us had signed up, slight problem given a team is meant to be five people, but oh well. Our team leader, a Chinese bloke who’s name I’m afraid I can’t remember, asked us what kind of experience we had climbing mountains. At this stage I mentioned that I go walking a lot at home, and that I attempted to climb Kilimanjaro a few years ago, all of which is true. Now from this he presumably got an idea of what I was expecting from this mountain climbing competition- if he did, he didn’t see fit to tell me that I wasn’t going to be doing what I was used to, leading to a rather unfortunate misunderstanding, which I shall shortly regale.
We arrived at Tiantong about 7.30am, in time to meet a few other teams from various institutes, unis, and businesses from the nearby area. One thing I notice as odd pretty quickly- half the people there were dressed similar to myself- hiking boots, heavy trousers, backpacks, etc- and the other half were dressed like our team leader- trainers, shorts or tracksuit bottoms, and light t-shirts. My suspicion was further raised when I was given a sticker saying “Athlete” in English and Chinese. I put the second down to a translation mistake, and the first I just sort of blanked.
What’s amazing is how long I was able to keep blanking what should have been clues as to what was about to happen, and what I hadn’t seen coming.
There was a brief interlude of men in suits standing on a stage, making speeches- “Third international mountain climbing competition”… “This proud historic site”… “I would like to invite our eleventh guest speaker”… you know the sort. The kind of speech-making that makes county school assembly with Miss James look like a Dara O’Briain stand-up routine. Well anyway, that done, and all of we ‘athletes’ were led to the starting line, where the mountain climbing competition would kick off. I was stood next to a bunch of great blokes that were doing leg stretches and lunges, all ready to go, and we got into a bit of banter, talking about where we from, etc. A couple of minutes in, and my team leader asks if I’m going to put my bag in the bus.
I still didn’t realise where this was going.
But being assured I wouldn’t need it, I handed it over, taking only my water bottle. I even took my hat off, leaving me with a headscarf and a t-shirt with a number on it, as well as my trusty but very, very incredibly heavy and ankle-supporting hiking boots.
By now I was so excited to get up this mountain I wasn’t even thinking. I was just so keyed up and ready to go! A command of ready… I got ready… A command of set… I got set… The firing pistol went off! And everyone started to run!
Like I said, what’s amazing is how long it took me to work this out.
I thought this running was the mad dash at the start, then we’d all settle down and start walking. Like the beginning of Hidalgo, where all the horses start galloping for two minutes, then settle down and walk a twenty-mile desert race. Thinking it was just a brief crazy spurt, I ran full-out, sprinting up front with the leaders.
And I clearly wasn’t the only one either. Half the racers were staggering in boots that weighed as much as a small stone fortress each, taking off hoodies, and wondering what to do with their hiking poles.
That’s about the extent of my lighter-hearted experiences of China for the past two weeks. I do however, have some news of a more… well, a slightly deeper and more personal nature to impart. If you just want the fun stories, end on the mountain one. But for a slightly more serious imparting of wisdom, read on…
For all the funny stories and mad occurrences, I have now been away from home, in a very, very foreign country, for about two months- longer than I’ve ever been abroad. Work is piling up like another troublesome mountain, I’m bitten stem to stern by mozzies, and to top it all off, I’m getting this maddening insomnia, which means I sleep for only a few hours a night, then feel exhausted all day. What with all this, I’ve been a little distressed of late.
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus”.
My friends, it’s been a very strange time here in China, and it’s been gradually eroding my sanity since I got here. And now I know why. Because since I arrived I’ve been trying to fix everything that goes wrong in my life by myself, trying to grab hold of every strand that falls away and drag it back into place. Turns out, that’s not what I need to be doing. Trust in God that he’ll take care of me, and ask him what I need to do to sort out my life, not try and understand it all by myself. I particularly like this because it echoes a line from my favourite song:
“Turn off your engines, and slow down your wheels,
Suddenly your master plan loses its appeal…”
Stop planning everything Dan, stop trying to get it all on track, and let God in to help you out! This is my message to everyone who feels they can’t quite get their life on track. Don’t fret needlessly over it- ask God to help, and he will. And once again, optimism comes flooding back into your life!
My love and blessings to you all, and I’ll write again in a few more weeks!
Cheers,
Dan
(The song is No-Hopers, Jokers and Rogues, by Fisherman’s Friends, if you’re interested. Link below- I actually think there’s quite a Christian message in there, though possibly not deliberately
